40,000 Souls

The Book Open Veins of Latin America  sits beside me. A historical book. An economic book? I scan the pages for one of the many classes that I perhaps will forget about in a years time. When I'm 30, I will perhaps look back on it with no distinct feeling other than an interesting professor who seemed passionate about the subject yet seemed as though a dark cloud hung over him. 

I could be wrong though.

This class. A history of Latin America, could have an impact on me such as HILD 10. 

A class where I'll look back and remember bits of information, that I can recite as a fun fact on Trivia Night, and state with confidence it was one of my favorite classes in college. 

I've seem to gone off the rails. 

I ponder as I look at the students who sit on the first floor of Geisel Library.  

How can all of us be so trapped in a system of work?

How are we all so obsessed with finishing?

I feel the stress of learning has been lost?

Am I making sense?

Look, what I'm saying is it baffles me that 40,000 students on this UCSD campus are all doing school work. Sure some wait until the day before its due, others get it done to have their weekends free.

But we are all here. 

With open computers.

And textbooks that all eventually get thrown away.

And notebooks that get lost somewhere.

I think about the thousands that did this before. The thousands that are doing it right now in Portland, Los Angeles, New York, and Europe. 

Most will probably work 9-5's after this.

Go to Grad school. Write some more papers.

Maybe teach and educate the next 40,000 who will throw away the textbooks.

I'm not saying education is pointless.

But I think college serves something different.

I'm utilizing it as something different anyways. 

Yes as an education, I enjoy reading. I'll probably not use too much of the materiel I'll learn from my math classes I have to take and some of these others GE's.

But it's information that will linger in my mind for a while. 

And then probably leave. 

Which is good I think. 

I need to have room for the stuff that will come after. 

I'm using college more of a mode to prove to myself that I can do hard things.

Not just hard things academically.

Because honestly?

That's just not that special. 

Passion. Is what I'm finding. 

Passion is work. 

But it's an education nonetheless.

I'll go back to my reading now.