Let's go to San Diego-We're Going to Build a Lego

My friend Rena sent a link to the group chat a few months back, it was tickets to the Okee Dokee Brothers as they were going to be playing at our school in April. Because we get to go to a lot of these events for free (thank you ArtPower), we decided to go. 

After a long and tough winter quarter, a reviving spring break, and a rocky start to Spring Quarter due to food poisoning, I was looking forward to the sunny Saturday amphitheater folk show with my friends. As we walked into line to find some seats we began to realize that the audience was filled with roughly 99% moms, dads and kids ages 3-7. With the other 1% being UCSD Students (that 1% was us and 2 other people). 

From this moment on I knew this was going to be one of my favorite ArtPower shows-and honestly one of my favorite shows in general. 

As we walked through the seats I felt like I was at Disneyland- but family edition. 

“Look at his little outfit!!!!”

“Look how cute that mom is in her overalls oh my god.”

“This little kid in front of us keeps making funny faces with his dad”

“Oh my God I love little babies look at that one”

(This continued throughout the whole performance)

As we found our seats in the basking sunlight I began to look around at the happy San Diego families. Kids did cartwheels on the grass and spun around in circles, climbed at their moms pants begging to get picked up, and got thrown into the air by their dads. As I observed these little specks of life I began to feel a combination of a nostalgic joy from the innocence and curiosity of childhood and an optimistic desire for the future of motherhood. 

Growing up I was known as the velcro baby. At every Mama Mia class I was attached at my mom’s hip-doing downward dog and *attempting* pushups at the ripe age of 3. As I have aged I have felt a loving desire for motherhood. I love babysitting my cousins, putting a baby on my hip and doing the “mom stance”, and working with little kids in active ways like summer camps. 

I have always felt a sense of purpose moving my body in the sun with my mom or family by my side and being a motherly figure for children that surround me. 

So when I sat at this concert and observed both of these worlds happening simultaneously I felt like my present self was swarmed in a hug by both of these realities. I saw the joy of life. I felt it in my soul. And realized how simple it all is. 

-

I want nothing but to dig my feet into the moving Earth and the warm soil, to be washed by the salty water and see the dolphins swim under the setting sun, to feel small among the great mountains as my feet trek the rugged path that stretches for miles, to spend nights on my back and stare upon the vast open sky, feeling the ever expanding everything grow into the universe of nothing. 

I want nothing but to see smiles of friends and family, to touch hands with the ones I love and rub my thumb in between your palm, to lay my head on the shoulder of you as the sun soaks into our face, to be cuddled in a warm blanket as our legs our entangled under the sheets, to laugh in the kitchen as we share a meal of warmth and love, to hug you so tightly. To hug you so tightly. 

-

The Okee Dokee Brothers came on stage as the kids danced beneath their feet. They sang of nature of mothers of fathers of daughters. They sang of birds of bees of bears of trees. They sang of love of light of the river of the mountains. They sang of hope of dreams of then of now. 

As they sang their songs I began to cry. There was no other feeling but pure joy in my body. I wanted to be nowhere else. I laughed and cried and sang words of songs I did not know. I laughed and cried and danced barefoot with my friends. I laughed and cried and let the sun soak into my skin. 

I often catch myself so worried about the next thing. I always swear I am never doing enough. I fear no one will see me. I sometimes feel lost in my path and am constantly taking the wrong steps. I sometimes feel I am stretched too thin among different disciplines and maybe I should just stick to one. I sometimes feel so confused I don’t know who or what to choose. 

But as I sat and watched this concert, all of those feelings felt so, fucken, dumb. 

WHO CARES.

I have family, I have friends, I have the sun, I AM LISTENING TO MUSIC AND WATCHING CHILDREN DANCE.

I have pure joy. 

I am surrounded by nature. 

The world is so beautiful. 

In that moment I realized nothing else matters except to connect. 

Connect with everything and everyone.

Connect.