Creative Writing

Over Winter Break-I watched Dead Poets Society one night with my parents. Carpe Diem they say. The next night we sat on the same couch and watched Good Will Hunting. That’s the good stuff, they say. 

There is a hamster in my mind,

I have been thinking for the past few weeks of a great thing to write about.

On a Saturday afternoon at the down parts of La Jolla, I sat on a white sand beach with the orange ball of light on it's way to set in the background. 

I sit on the couch with my legs crossed over.

My feet move one in front of the other up the steep hill while the sun beats down on my back, I tell myself that the view is worth it. I tilt my head up, my dad is off the path rubbing his fingers together, as if he is creating a little fire. He walks over to me and drops little white flowers that crumble to the touch. 

I wish there was a reason

Missing Altadena

The feeling is pasted within me.

My biggest fear when I first started college was not dancing. I realized towards the end of my senior year of high school this beautiful gift of movement was handed to me each and every day. I never thought twice about paying for a dance class or worrying if I had the time to fit one into my schedule. Both were a given.

Let’s be honest. When was the last time you were doom scrolling and an influencer popped up on your feed swearing this supplement, pair of sunglasses, or beauty item was the best thing they have ever gotten, so you buy it and then realize it is making your skin breakout, or actually not doing anything for you and BAM 60 dollars, down the drain. 

There was a time when I didn't eat cheese. 

My eyes flutter open on a cold Saturday morning. I want to stay in my bed with my sheets piled on me, stuffing my hands in between my legs to keep them warm. If I stayed here forever I wouldn’t have to eat. Maybe I wouldn’t even get hungry. 

Every time I scroll I genuinely wonder why I did it in the first place.I never walk away feeling any more satisfied, clear headed or happy, In fact quite the opposite. Foggy brained. Craving something more of I don’t even know what.  I don’t walk away feeling sad.But empty. Drained.Bleh. -I just stared at the wall for a few minutes with nothing but the background noises of life.Lately-silence has been feeling really good. -I’m trying to break the habit of constantly feeling like I need noise or something to look at. Truthfully a shower is my favorite when I just have science, and no music playing in the background.A walk feels really good with nothing in my ears but my own voice.Eating a meal in the company of my roommates is a lot more enjoyable than seeing what product an influencer lovesSilence feels good. -We say these activities “turn our brain off”.After a long day we want nothing more than to decompress, wind down, and stare at a screen full of funny videos. When I participate in this short form of content, I actually feel like more brain is the most turned on. -I want my brain to decompress through reading, writing, and thinking nothing but my own words.We say it every year but sometimes you have to really be mean with yourself to break a bad habit.Stop the scrolling.  

Confession: For the past 7 years, I have only gotten my period twice a year.

I didn’t workout for two weeks.

I’m always amazed by the connections that can be curated across life. Like DUH. I know.But there is truly no better feeling than being in a new space-full of new people-and being drawn to a certain group-and finding so much home and love in them. I had the amazing opportunity to do a leadership retreat in Santa Cruz this weekend for my Sustainable Food Fellowship at UCSD Health Campus. This retreat was full of the many other fellows across all the UC campus’s While the training was maybe not exactly what I was expecting (Hello ultra woke camp… not a lot of training.. a lot more power circles and far left buzz words…)I wouldn’t have traded it for anything else-mainly because I met some of my favorite people while I was there. I laughed so hard.I smiled at new faces.Hugged new bodies.AND YES OK MADE LIFE LASTING MEMORIES THAT I WILL TREASURE FOREVER BLA BLA BLA.-I don’t know-this is just my reminder to all of you that more than anything connection is truly the basis to anything good in this life.True real connection that makes you feel so confident and comfortable to be in your skin. True real connection that makes you want to try new things.True real connection that makes you excited to be a human. Happy to be a human. True real connection that makes you feel loved. -If an opportunity presents itself in a new space full of new people. Always just go.The worst that can happen is you just LEAVE!And the best that can happen is more friends. More love. More happiness. More laughter. And who doesn’t love all of those things

When the school year comes to a close, and the sweet smell of the freedom of summer comes near, I often find that a weight begins to sit on my shoulders, the need for every second to be perfect.